Las Vistas: Eden

***Author’s Note: Please refer to this post for background on the new character briefly mentioned in this piece.

Golden Coral Resort & Spa - Tahiti

Is that a grey hair, Eden thought to herself as she gently brushed a few stray tendrils from Cyrus’s face. She drew her hand back when he stirred slightly, but he didn’t wake up. She had been standing there for a while; long enough for her legs to feel numb, standing so long but still not ready to move. She held her breath for a moment and then released it so that she could breathe in tandem with him. She watched as her chest moved up and down right along with his. Two people, one breath, one life. Was that really their truth anymore?

They had always been in sync since the first day they met. They loved the same food, the same music; they both had the same strange sense of humor that no one else seemed to understand. They both had been focused on the same dream as well. Well, maybe that wasn’t completely true. She had had many other dreams for her life, but she hadn’t thought twice about putting them aside to help make his come true. His grades, his stats, his draft number, his team; everything in their life was him. The 10 year plan was coming to a close and every piece they had put in place had come together almost perfectly, but not once had any of their plans involved Cyrus getting injured, and from the way things had been since, it seemed as if his pride had been torn just as much as his tendons.

There was nothing specific she could put her finger on and that was the part that really got to her. He had been as sweet and as charming as ever to her -- as far as she could see, he had been taking everything in stride. Even when he had been benched for the rest of the season, he didn’t show one moment of irritation or annoyance. He had been cool, composed, and cooperative; none of which made sense to her given everything that was at stake. Their whole life was essentially hanging in the balance and he was “just fine” or so he said. But there was something else in the background, some invisible distance between them; a part of him that he wouldn’t let her see. It was nothing she could identify but it was there.

She first noticed it when Mackenzie had been born. He had come back to her and it scared her that she hadn’t realized how far away he had been. But preoccupation, even with a pregnancy, wasn’t enough of an excuse, which is why this time; she had seen it the moment it slipped through her fingers. He had become distant again, present but distant, attentive, but distance, always distant. So she was standing here trying to see him, trying to understand, trying to catch a moment of closeness.

Her heart jumped out of her chest when her cell phone started vibrating on the nightstand. She picked it up for the first time in hours and saw that Reese was calling and that she had 10 other missed calls. She eased away from the bed and out onto the balcony to take the call.

“Hey Reese what’s going on?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing. Thanks for letting me know you were leaving town. I had to pry it out of your housekeeper”

“I’m sorry; I was going to call you in the morning. Cyrus surprised me with a last minute trip and we were out sightseeing all day. Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know. Isabella called looking for you. She sounded upset, so I told her that I would track you down. I tried to check on her again, but I haven’t been able to get a hold of her.”

“Did she say what was wrong? Please tell me there isn’t another news scandal. Did she say anything about Nico?

Reese bit back the automatic response that came to mind at the mention of that name and opted for a more restrained approach. “No she didn’t say what was wrong and she definitely didn’t mention Nico. After everything that’s happened why would she? They’re over, or at least they sure as hell better be!”

“Reese -” Eden stopped before she started and let out a sigh. "What?!" he replied. “Thanks for calling me. I’m going to call Issy now. I’ll see you when I get back.”

Reese hung up, barely uttering a goodbye and immediately began dialing Isabella’s number again, but stopped himself. Eden could think or say what she wanted about Nico and Isabella, but there was another point of view, a sensible version of reality that spelled disaster where the two of them were concerned. He remembered the promise he had made to himself that he was going to make her understand that reality and show her how much he wanted to be a part of it, if only she would let him. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and hopped in his car. What he had to say needed to be heard in person; had needed to be said for a very long time, and was going to come out before the day was through. He started the engine, pulled out of the driveway and began the short journey to Isabella’s house.

3:35am – Gutierrez Residence – Vista Hills

It was well after 3am by the time Cyrus made it back home. He cut off the car lights and engine as he slowly coasted into the driveway. He looked up to the window of their bedroom as he got out of the car; pushing the door shut and silently bumping it closed with his butt. All the lights were out; she was definitely asleep.

He slipped into the house and peeked into Zoe’s room to find her wide awake, playing with her doll in her crib, and to his surprise she didn’t laugh or coo the way she normally did when she laid eyes on him. Instead she looked at him quietly as he scooped her up. Could she possibly be onto him? Was her lackluster reaction to his presence silent contempt, or had this pattern of late night rendezvous inadvertently turned her into his innocent little accomplice who had learned to keep her mouth shut? He gave her a firm hug which she returned by squeezing her small arms around his neck; her sweet embrace nearly choking the guilt out of him. He took her into the kitchen and fixed up a bottle for her before placing her back in her crib, giving her a peck on the check, and turning out the lights.

He took off his shoes and crept up the stairs and into the bedroom. As he entered, Eden let out a soft sigh and shifted positions causing him to stop short, only moving forward when he was sure she was still asleep. When he finally reached the side of the bed he stood there looking down at her peaceful, beautiful, and completely oblivious face. Once again he had succeeded at his deception.

He wasn’t even sure how he had lived with this secret for so long. He had been so close to being caught more times than he could count. One lie here, another there, all unskillfully crafted in the beginning, now flew out of his mouth with effortless authority after so many months of practice. And she had believed every one of them, which comforted him and killed him at the same time. Her implicit trust had played more of a role in his betrayal than just about anything else.

She had given it to him almost immediately after they met. She saw him, past the muscles and football jersey, past the trophies and top draft picks, past the championships and MVP nominations. She understood him and loved him as close to unconditionally as anyone ever could and out of all the men she could’ve had, she chose him to entrust the rest of her life to. She had gladly swallowed all of the beautiful dreams she had for herself, for her life, and used her strength to build a foundation upon which his could grow. It was the thing about their love that had always made him proud, grateful, but most of all, bewildered. Maybe too much so. How on earth could a woman like her ever really love him the way that she did? He should’ve been able to find an answer within all of the unsolicited reassurance she gave him, but for whatever reason, especially lately, it never seemed to satisfy his insecurities.

He closed his eyes and turned away. He couldn’t look at her anymore. He took a quiet and labored breath, pounded a closed fist on his forehead. What the hell was wrong with him? Why hadn’t any of it been enough? That would be the first question she would ask if she ever found out. He knew her well enough to know that she would need, demand, that explanation and anything he said would make about as much sense to her as it did to him. There was no answer, no real reason or concrete evidence of what she would ultimately perceive as her failure as his wife--a failure that he would tirelessly deny. But still somehow it was there, it had to be there, otherwise why had he done any of this? Why had he risked everything and everyone that mattered the most to him for something that was wedged in a place between wrong and right, an experience that was far from meaningless sex but nothing compared to the connection he felt when he was with Eden. It was all completely unnecessary yet somehow, for him, completely warranted.

It was never anything he could put his finger on, but over the last few months it had begun to gnaw at him constantly. At first he thought it was the normal boredom he always felt in the off season, or maybe the fact that Eden’s schedule had gotten unusually busy with all the charity events she was a part of, leaving him home alone looking after Zoe more often than not, or even the rumors that had been swirling around in the media that he might be released from his contract at the end of the next season. Whatever it was it had taken a firm hold of him and had him completely on edge by the time he met Jade.

She wasn’t like most of the women he came across that gravitated to him for one reason or another; whether it was his looks or the fact that he was a well known athlete. Her appearance, of course, had thrown him off and led him to assume many things about why she had approached, but after their first conversation it was clear that she was nothing like the bimbos that sent him naked pictures or threw their underwear into the locker room after a game. He could talk to her, easily, candidly, about the fears he was having about his career, his perceived shortcomings as a husband and a father, all the things that he couldn’t share with the one person whose opinion of him mattered the most….his wife.

He had rationalized that, as unlikely as it was, she was just a friend. But somehow, without him even realizing it, things between them had grown into something more. Chance meetings around town became dates, accidental physical contact became deliberate, and finally, any attempts that either of them made to keep things from crossing the line failed to exist and he had allowed himself to be pulled into doing the unthinkable.

The thought of it all brought tears to his eyes and as he sat down on the edge of the bed he let one fall down his cheek forming a salted trail of shame as he came crashing down from his post coital high. These were the only emotions he ever felt now; a combination of guilt, fear, and a twisted and impossible love for both his family and for Jade. Never before in his life had he felt so empty and conflicted, yet at the same time disgustingly fulfilled.

After a few moments he collected himself, wiped the wetness from his face, got undressed and slid under the covers next to Eden. True to form she sensed his presence, scooted up next to him wrapping her warm leg around his. The touch was like torture, making him feel wonderful and horrible at the same time. He didn’t deserve her blind faith, but he would take it; he had too. In his own dysfunctional way he needed it to hold things together. He tucked his arm around her and pulled her closer, pressing his lips to the nape of her neck.

Her hair smelled like cinnamon, just one more thing that he loved about her, that he needed, one of the many damn good reasons not to ever be unfaithful to her again. To hold her like this and breathe her in should’ve been all he needed to stop, but it wasn’t. And as the hope that it could be slowly drained out him, he pulled her closer to him, in vain, once more holding on for dear life. Another night with her in his arms; another night of having his cake and eating it too; another night of his trusting, loving wife remaining ignorant to the secret that could shatter her entire world.