Las Vistas Episode #4

3:35am – Gutierrez Residence – Vista Hills




It was well after 3am by the time Cyrus made it back home. He cut off the car lights and engine as he slowly coasted into the driveway. He looked up to the window of their bedroom as he got out of the car; pushing the door shut and silently bumping it closed with his butt. All the lights were out; she was definitely asleep.



He slipped into the house and peeked into Zoe’s room to find her wide awake, playing with her doll in her crib, and to his surprise she didn’t laugh or coo the way she normally did when she laid eyes on him. Instead she looked at him quietly as he scooped her up. Could she possibly be onto him? Was her lackluster reaction to his presence silent contempt, or had this pattern of late night rendezvous inadvertently turned her into his innocent little accomplice who had learned to keep her mouth shut? He gave her a firm hug which she returned by squeezing her small arms around his neck; her sweet embrace nearly choking the guilt out of him. He took her into the kitchen and fixed up a bottle for her before placing her back in her crib, giving her a peck on the check, and turning out the lights.



He took off his shoes and crept up the stairs and into the bedroom. As he entered, Eden let out a soft sigh and shifted positions causing him to stop short, only moving forward when he was sure she was still asleep. When he finally reached the side of the bed he stood there looking down at her peaceful, beautiful, and completely oblivious face. Once again he had succeeded at his deception.

He wasn’t even sure how he had lived with this secret for so long. He had been so close to being caught more times than he could count. One lie here, another there, all unskillfully crafted in the beginning, now flew out of his mouth with effortless authority after so many months of practice. And she had believed every one of them, which comforted him and killed him at the same time. Her implicit trust had played more of a role in his betrayal than just about anything else.



She had given it to him almost immediately after they met. She saw him, past the muscles and football jersey, past the trophies and top draft picks, past the championships and MVP nominations. She understood him and loved him as close to unconditionally as anyone ever could and out of all the men she could’ve had, she chose him to entrust the rest of her life to. She had gladly swallowed all of the beautiful dreams she had for herself, for her life, and used her strength to build a foundation upon which his could grow. It was the thing about their love that had always made him proud, grateful, but most of all, bewildered. Maybe too much so. How on earth could a woman like her ever really love him the way that she did? He should’ve been able to find an answer within all of the unsolicited reassurance she gave him, but for whatever reason, especially lately, it never seemed to satisfy his insecurities.



He closed his eyes and turned away. He couldn’t look at her anymore. He took a quiet and labored breath, pounded a closed fist on his forehead. What the hell was wrong with him? Why hadn’t any of it been enough? That would be the first question she would ask if she ever found out. He knew her well enough to know that she would need, demand, that explanation and anything he said would make about as much sense to her as it did to him. There was no answer, no real reason or concrete evidence of what she would ultimately perceive as her failure as his wife--a failure that he would tirelessly deny. But still somehow it was there, it had to be there, otherwise why had he done any of this? Why had he risked everything and everyone that mattered the most to him for something that was wedged in a place between wrong and right, an experience that was far from meaningless sex but nothing compared to the connection he felt when he was with Eden. It was all completely unnecessary yet somehow, for him, completely warranted.

It was never anything he could put his finger on, but over the last few months it had begun to gnaw at him constantly. At first he thought it was the normal boredom he always felt in the off season, or maybe the fact that Eden’s schedule had gotten unusually busy with all the charity events she was a part of, leaving him home alone looking after Zoe more often than not, or even the rumors that had been swirling around in the media that he might be released from his contract at the end of the next season. Whatever it was it had taken a firm hold of him and had him completely on edge by the time he met Jade.

She wasn’t like most of the women he came across that gravitated to him for one reason or another; whether it was his looks or the fact that he was a well known athlete. Her appearance, of course, had thrown him off and led him to assume many things about why she had approached, but after their first conversation it was clear that she was nothing like the bimbos that sent him naked pictures or threw their underwear into the locker room after a game. He could talk to her, easily, candidly, about the fears he was having about his career, his perceived shortcomings as a husband and a father, all the things that he couldn’t share with the one person whose opinion of him mattered the most….his wife.

He had rationalized that, as unlikely as it was, she was just a friend. But somehow, without him even realizing it, things between them had grown into something more. Chance meetings around town became dates, accidental physical contact became deliberate, and finally, any attempts that either of them made to keep things from crossing the line failed to exist and he had allowed himself to be pulled into doing the unthinkable.



The thought of it all brought tears to his eyes and as he sat down on the edge of the bed he let one fall down his cheek forming a salted trail of shame as he came crashing down from his post coital high. These were the only emotions he ever felt now; a combination of guilt, fear, and a twisted and impossible love for both his family and for Jade. Never before in his life had he felt so empty and conflicted, yet at the same time disgustingly fulfilled.



After a few moments he collected himself, wiped the wetness from his face, got undressed and slid under the covers next to Eden. True to form she sensed his presence, scooted up next to him wrapping her warm leg around his. The touch was like torture, making him feel wonderful and horrible at the same time. He didn’t deserve her blind faith, but he would take it; he had too. In his own dysfunctional way he needed it to hold things together. He tucked his arm around her and pulled her closer, pressing his lips to the nape of her neck.



Her hair smelled like cinnamon, just one more thing that he loved about her, that he needed, one of the many damn good reasons not to ever be unfaithful to her again. To hold her like this and breathe her in should’ve been all he needed to stop, but it wasn’t. And as the hope that it could be slowly drained out him, he pulled her closer to him, in vain, once more holding on for dear life. Another night with her in his arms; another night of having his cake and eating it too; another night of his trusting, loving wife remaining ignorant to the secret that could shatter her entire world.